shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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