you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
