Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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