you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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