tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
