Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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