Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
