somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
