so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
