U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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