i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
