How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is Oprah even human
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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