He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize