i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I could fuck to npr.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
