Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
