I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
