Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
