i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
