3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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