i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Send help, water and tortillas.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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