life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
