Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
