When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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