I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He kissed a someone with a penis
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
