i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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