Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
