I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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