Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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