just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
