It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize