and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
