So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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