i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
