found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
