My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
