I just saw a hot homeless man
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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