capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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