You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
