It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize