there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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