I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
