I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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