I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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