Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
