you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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