FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
