I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
