but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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