I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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