can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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