so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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