you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
