Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
