:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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