no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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