It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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