just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
