Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
