listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
