Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
