thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize