So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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