Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
