There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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