So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
